new stuff like my first split with alex and a jester snake2012-02-26 / 16:16
hi folks!
haven't been here for a while. i would apologise for it - but the reality is just: i am a normal human with a normal job and i have to work and just did not want to do more after work. i like my job though. but i really missed doing drawings. i even got that much on alex nerves that he said finally ok to do our first split flash together! i wanted to do the jester for it but he said it would be better as a bigger piece. and i have to say: he was just right. so he found the knight girl i just had a sketch of some from some weeks ago and he said that it would be a good piece for a flash. so i did the lines. alex will add his piece after i finished mine. we have done some artsy stuff together - but this one is our first tattoo-ish flash together and i am just happy about it. alex managed to get me to take advises from him. because i was kinda like a dickhead when he started to give me advises eventhough i give him advises too and he take them and do his stuff better - so i had to put my perseverance away and just say thank you and do my best. that took years and i am so sorry for any shitty behaviour of mine. but i could never take critisism from ppl i love.crazy i know but i dont know why it is like this. aaaannyway. here are those drawings i started today.
The evil King and the beautiful Queen2012-01-21 / 05:31
Hi Folks!
its been a while. lot of sad things happened. my uncle died and other personal stuff happened that i just couldnt talk about. i am happy that alex supports me with everything eventhough i am just able to laying around and questioning life. but now i think its getting kinda better. but because of all the sadness in my head i couldnt draw (or do anythin else beside going to work and sleep) but now i started something new. so take a look at my new sketches for a bigger drawing. hope it will work out. i am not that good in drawing roses - so it took me a while to do them and even faces arent as easy as they are normally cause of the lack of drawing in the last weeks. dont know if the heart will stay that simple maybe i will add some fancy stuff..maybe not because there is already a lot going on for my taste hmm..we will see.
my boyfriend does tattoos! this time: an owl tattoo!2012-01-08 / 04:58
hi folks! my boyfriend alex knierer starts to make bigger tattoos nowadays and since i am really pround of him i wanted to show you what he does:) this one is obviously an owl tattoo in way in progress!
i was kinda frustrated the past weeks with drawing. i had a head full of crazy ideas and never thought they were "creative" enough. so i just stopped thinking. i was like - dont think for tattoo designs for a moment - and got my acryl stuff out of my box. this is now the first steps of my acryl jesus girl. its kinda rough...cant remember that you had to be that pacient about this technique. but now i understand when i told ppl in the past when i said i draw 9 hours on a day for one acrylic painting. so we will see how it will work out.
yesterday was quite a cute day. cute because the kids of my boss and his wife came to visit and those lil toddlers are only ..well i dont know how old they are but the girl selma cant even speak and the boy bela is in his "why is that so?" phase. they are just too cute and it happenened that i said "somedays i wanna have kids too" my work-mate said "i will never give birth to a child voluntaryally (is this a word?)!" so i was thinking about this part again. this look on her face. she wasnt judging me - she just look like she made her decision for life. and since i was thinking about this kinda stuff in the past weeks a lot because of my rough life planning - i just started to think even more about this topic.
do i really want kids? i was always sure that i want at least one for my very own selfish reasons, for love, for my family, for maybe alex? but then i am thinking again. hey girl - yeah you are still a girl not a woman yet i think - there is so much to see out there and just because you will turn 30 or thirty-something one day it doesnt mean you HAVE to have a kid. whats with traveling, whats with buying so much great stuff and sharing with it with the ppl i love? my brothers both have great families - and i am more or less great aunt. i love them all! so why even bother and thinking about having kids. i like the idea of a family. i love to teach kids stuff and i love to see how they learn so fast! but there are so many kids out there who havent got a home and are starving, freezing and just dont have anybody to lean on. it would be a great idea to adopt - but would i really love the kid as much as one of my own. or would i even love my own kids? the shit part of this is that i am a girl with the gene-pool of my mother and i am afraid that the same thing could happen to me like to her. while she was pregnant with me she had some kind of cancer on her uterus so she couldnt gave birth after me. she was only 27 yrs old back than and there is a possability that i can get this too. so what then? what if i dont take my ability to get kids as long as i am healthy. i am not ill yet but you never now. even if i stay healthy - after i pass my 40ies or 45s i wont be able to get pregnant. or even want to. do i want to have a 15 yr old kid when i am 60 - no.
so again the question - do i want kids? and when? i have plans. plans i try to come true now. but look - if i follow my dreams and go on - i wont be able to have like any time for anything else except for this. so then i will be in my 30ies - great time to start a family - but maybe not. i really dont know. i only knew women who wanted kids or just said "we will see" but never ONE who said NO to a kid until now. its new to me. i mean i am not blind - i read all the time "no i dont want kids" and stuff - and i am always thinking "its your choice go for it" but its diffrent to hear somebody who even like kids and plays around with them to say "no i never ever ever EVER want kids" how great how easy i can be influenced by a almost stranger. maybe i just should stop thinking and just go on. ha - that reminds me of a phonecall i had some time ago - when a friend said to me "women in general are thinking too much - they should just do what ever they want." and i said "noooooo waaay girls dont think too much - have done this and that and blah" so i think he is kinda right.
beside this there is more going on in my life. i try to write a story. i have started that a whole lot of times. can remember my first story was called "lilly" and i was around 12 or something. i wrote 60 pages in 2 weeks. i dont know how i made it back then - in this age but it was a cute lil story about a girl who moved from one city to another and made a lot of mistakes. i wrote a lot some years ago and even once - like 3 yrs ago i even got somekind of pre-book-deal. but i just stopped writing when the contract was in front of me... long story short: my book-agent/lecturer told me that the publisher take me on hold and i could give them a call when i finish the script and then we will see what happen. i had around 160 pages together - what makes like a 200 to 230paged book but then i stopped. with no reason. i still have the script here - i read it and i can tell i like it but i just cant write further. i dont know why but i am just not feeling it anymore. the new story is quite diffrent. i am only on page 28 - i am excited and i feel like i fell in love again. it was never and maybe never will be my intension to be a writer - its more a life-goal-dream that i want to write a whole story that means something to me once. i have done some shortstories meanwhile i was writing this story because i had to find like a "style" its diffrent to write diffrent genres or conversations. to get the tension or write cute or scarry. writing is meditative - just like reading. right now i love jane austin and bukovski again - two total opposites and both not book types i usually read. i am more the fiction and fantasy reader. so we will see what happens with this story i am writing on. i spend a lot of time of daydreaming about it so i hope it will work out.
my main passion drawing is diffrent right now. i applied in some shops for an apprenticeship (thats the reason why i dont post that much here atm) and everyone said no or said only in a year because they already have someone. every tattooer say something diffrent and sure i try to use it to become better. they all said that my work is good and even one said that i am in his top 10 % of his application folders he has seen so far. what made me happy for the moment - but to get an apprenticeship is hard. the most questions they asked me were "have you tattooed before?" "why do you want to do this?" and "why not applying to any tattooer in a streetshop if you just want to do it?" to the first question my answer was always no - cause i dont want to give someone some creepy shit infection tattoo - and then the one hand say "why not? not even on yourself? just try it" and the other say "great - thats good" the answer to the second question is always the same - cause i cant imagine to really DO anything every day. sure maybe your back or your sight would get worse and ppl can treat you like shit but i really want to do it and i will do it..whatever it takes. i wouldnt forgive myself if i wouldnt try it. i know nobody is waiting for me out there and most of the tattooer just say the fact is that there are already too many. but hey one more isnt the point i think - ok if everyone would think like this - it wouldnt be that good. but i want this so i will do it. the answer to the third question was and is - i wanted someone who i can respect and who i can look up to. i even dont know every good tattooer and never will but whats the point of learning it wrong? there ARE shit shops out there - but i dont want to part of this world. the tattooer i have applied to were all very nice - and kind and wished me all the luck (except for one but he called me princess so i think he just didnt like the fact i was a girl) or said i should come again in some months to check so we will see what will happen. they asked me a lot of more questions and i had great conversations - and will get tattooed by many of them when i have the money but i dont want to talk too much about it - eventhough i really wish i could but i think - maybe this wont work out. its true - maybe i wont get an apprenticeship. maybe there is another way for me - even to start tattooing or do something else. but i will fight - wax on wax off ! all i can do is do my best and dont get lazy. my wishes and dreams wont come true just by staying at home and doing nothing.
i will get a puss in boots (hahaha i have just googled it how the fairy tale is called in english and puss in boots is just great!) i always wanted a cat and a bird from him - i just love his cats and birds - so the first motive will be there in some months YES!
"... And now she went continually onwards, far, far to the very end of the world. Then she came to the sun, but it was too hot and terrible, and devoured little children. Hastily she ran away, and ran to the moon, but it was far too cold, and also awful and malicious, and when it saw the child, it said, "I smell, I smell the flesh of men." ..."
"... Nun ging es immerzu, weit weit, bis an der Welt Ende. Da kam es zur Sonne, aber die war zu heiß und fürchterlich, und fraß die kleinen Kinder. Eilig lief es weg und lief hin zu dem Mond, aber der war gar zu kalt und auch grausig und bös, und als er das Kind merkte, sprach er: "Ich rieche Menschenfleisch, rieche Menschenfleisch." ..."
Hi Kids! so what am i up to? i am just very busy and my parents called like a minute ago that they will surprise me and come to visit me - thank god i cleaned every thing up...NOT! so i have to hurry and make our flat become the palace hotel or something for my parents. they want to come cause they wanted to buy some jewellry for their 25th anniversary. just wanted to show you some lil drawing i have done cause i had some paper left over and i just hate to throw paper away. (specially when a single sheet costs almost 5 euros haha) so here is the Angry Oriental (Warrior?) Woman for you to see.
hi folks. after my agression night comes my calm down night. here i have tried some new stuff. never did japanese stuff so i hope to do more of it in the future. its even fun cause those stuff doesnt look THAT much like my girly stuff. but there is a looong way to go. dont know how to shade this stuff yet and have to find my color range for this kinda drawings. but intresting lines are there..so many layers and patterns! i love to explore it!
I was really really sick for one week. I only slept and today was the first day i really could breathe again and do something other than sleeping. i wasnt that ill for 2 and a half years now and i really was happy to acutally DO something again. cause i felt guilty just being in bed but now i am on my way to get better and i got those witches some color. the beauty witch maybe got too much of lips - but hey maybe i was thinking about angelina jolie while sketching her.
here is my new tattoo that alex made me yesterday. i lalalalala-love it! but i realized that i have really ugly elbow...exspecially when its swollen yesh! uh i love to explore new complexes haha. and as always dont ask me for a deeper meaing. i thought it was fun so i did it. it is quite a great filler dont you think? and looks much better next to my creepy cherryblossom that i have got when i was 17 and drunk yessh. oh i love to some youth sin (do you say that in english? youth sin - here in germany you say it like this). and here is the soundtrack what i was thinking of tattooing (i had fun hahaha):
i had a flu - and since i havent done a cake for alex last week because i was ill - i made this orange cake today. and you see - i havent even cleaned up the place and alex just ate almost half of the cake! but thats good - i try to get him some weight on his bony hips. he lost some weight the past weeks - and he already was a skinny boy before.... some more news on my new life status you can read on tumblr in the next few hours.
i cant sleep and i really dont know why. havent eat today - i dont know why either i havent done this too. i just wasnt hungry. maybe my body wants to tell me something i dont know yet. maybe i am stressed out - but i dont feel like stressed out. more like.."lalalala - wth - lalalala". my brain is just empty. really. maybe its because i have been ought to think so much in the last few days - so maybe there is only a dry desert in my brain area right now.
Few is the number who think with their own minds and feel with their own hearts.
about me...
Oh, HI!
Hello sweethearts! here i tell you a lil bit about myself. Something "private" to give you a lil bit of sugar.
1988 i was born in munich - you know that city in germany with the oktoberfest and beer and fat germans who only eat "prezels" and sausages. i am vegetarian btw. my mother is african and my dad german. we moved around a lot when i was a kid - but
i never mind evengthough i think thats that the reason why i cant get really personal with ppl.
i was a wild teenager - with alcohol, too much partying and too much kissing around - and never had a real boyfriend cause i loved my freedom!
and then i met alex who is my boyfriend now... we meet at an art-fest in munich and somehow we stuck together and i really do love him!
i was always intrested in art. my grandparents were both architects and artists. i remember my first painting i gave my grandpa for present was
a skeleton of a squirrel. i think i knew that i would be a lil bit metal by heart then haha!
i got my first tattoo when i was 12 or 14...cant remember but i do remember that my mom just asked me if i want one cause my sister was getting one
and sure i said yes - cause i always wanted exactly the same what my big sister tatiana got!
so thats it - here you see my WIP work and love. i hope you enjoy it.
-That's me
I used to go away for weeks... in a state of confusion.
this part is still under construction! wait and see.
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
i will get a puss in boots (hahaha i have just googled it how the fairy tale is called in english and puss in boots is just great!) i always wanted a cat and a bird from him - i just love his cats and birds - so the first motive will be there in some months YES!
i had a flu - and since i havent done a cake for alex last week because i was ill - i made this orange cake today. and you see - i havent even cleaned up the place and alex just ate almost half of the cake! but thats good - i try to get him some weight on his bony hips. he lost some weight the past weeks - and he already was a skinny boy before.... some more news on my new life status you can read on tumblr in the next few hours.
lines for that girl!
