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no talent at all
2011-03-05 / 08:24


so here we go - i finished my lil practice piece today. i cant really tell that anything except for the living situation changed much. i am happier of cause - but i still have to buy some furniture and put some sideboards on the walls. we are even using ´BOTH rooms of our flat. in our old flat we didnt really used the second room cause everything were just so not organized. and now we have a real only sleeping room and a work room. i havent posted pics of the flat yet cause i think somethings still missing..some lalalooove and detail to show.

i have shown my flat to some couchsurfers though. some ppl from italy and france were here and i had to admit since i have moved out of my parents house and away from my mother - i cant speak french that good anymore. i used to talk it all the time with my mom and now i really have to think about what i am talking... but i still understand everything though ^^

and some guys from germany were here. one guy even got a good friend and i am really looking forward to see him here again when he starts working in duesseldorf for some kind of internship :)


beside this - i am getting lil bit frustrated with my job-situation. nothing against my job - i like it but i rather would love to start to really do the things i want to do. alex starts like "really" tattooing ppl on thursday - but we both dont know how long it will take until he earns as much money as i do so i can quit my job to start what i really want to do. you know - i am wishing him all the best and i am happy for him - but i want to go further. it feels like i am stuck somewhere eventhough everything is changing. andn2 other girls which i know have started to ink - what made me even more depressed... it gives me the feeling i cant really draw and not being taltented AT ALL. it made me even dont wanna draw cause i dont know if it will happen. there are so many thoughts in my mind right now - like - why being so surpportive to alex and then i know it immediatley cause my hearts starts to bump like crazy, he is treating me like a princess and he is just such a nice guy and all i ever have dreamt of...but it keeps me back of doing of what i want to do right now atm. cause if i werent in a relationship or not that surpportive i would get myself a tiny flat with a matress, a desk, my drawing equiptment and just do what i want to do and dont think about anything else - but i cant cause i would be unhappy. i would have done it this way if i never knew what love is i think. but then yesterday it clicked some kinda way cause i said to myself "why are you getting so negative? it is starting right now right here and you are getting depressed you silly little girl" cause fact is - alex starts now! he is already earning some money and he give it all to me really ALL of it - i trust him with my life and he promised me he would do everything to make my dream come true just as i have done everything to make his wish come true. so i just have to be patient.

but you know..thats hard.




Congratulations on your new place and on your bf furthering his career! You will get there too, I know and you know :)
It's one of those things like "how am I ever going to get there" but every day if you do something smaller steps you'll get there. Tattooing is not an easy line of work to get into that's for sure. It's a curse and a blessing. but it sounds like you are well on your way. I don't think you have anything to be worried about!

By Blogger Chancey, at 5. März 2011 um 11:23  

chancey! i really really thank you for those words! they touch my heart ...ok that sounds cheezy but it is just like this! i thank you anyway :)

By Blogger Sandra Valerie, at 5. März 2011 um 11:41  

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