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thoughts
2011-09-12 / 00:07

hi kids! wasn't here for a while. i am really busy and kinda happy. i turend 23 yesterday and my sister turned 25 yesterday too. it was a fun birthday. my lil nieces were there and my brothers with their wifes and my parents of cause. i drove to munich with my lil audi and went way too fast (maybe cause i was listening to too good music?). thank god my dad payed for the gas - otherwise i would have been stuck with 120 km/h and this would have take me even more than 6854 hrs to get to munich.

so yeah now i am 23 and yes: the first time in my life it is like if someone would ask me "and how do you feel with your 23 yrs on your shoulders?" i can give another answer than "yeah i feel like always. stuck in the age of 16" things have changed a lot. i take responsibility for what i am doing. i have to pay bills and earn money and i dont depend on anyone (materialistically). so why didnt i feel like this with 22? i think its just because everything was still new to me and i asked for a lot advices from my parents. i still talk to them and ask them but it is easyier. renting flats, singning conrtracts, quitting jobs, getting fired, get a new job, making descisions blablabla. i am kinda glad of finally getting there but eversince i am there i feel like i want to be 15 again on one hand and on the other i love to be at my age.

but when you were 15 everything was forbidden. drinking beer was not only drinking beer - it was a crime that made it taste even better. and then you turn 16 and you start with vodka cause it isnt allowed and you feel like somekind of villain cruisin through gotham city and facing the face of batman when you get caught from your parents getting too drunk. yeah that was a great rush. then you turn 18 and new stuff is open to you. gambling, driving, you dont have to ask your parents anymore (eventhough you still do it if you are a good child) if you can travel somewhere..ok i have done this with 15 already - but it is just more..wahoo you know?

now with 23 it is like yeeaaha i can do what ever i want. alex and i have regular incomes. when i imagine - 1,5 year ago alex and i had to live from more or less than 400 euros / per month and pay a flat from it and eat and do stuff, i had 2 jobs and alex just started his apprenticeship...i really dont know how we did it back then - and now everything is just good and we are even planning to go for a big vacation for next year which will cost us some-thousand euros - it is just amazing how much can change in such a short time. and now everything is changing again. i make lil steps to make myself really happy. i try to live healthier, accepting myself everyday a lil more, love my family, friends and alex more and draw draw draw.

the only thing what pisses me off is: time flies. i have to use my time more carefully. i used to sleep for hours in the afternoons but i really have to just do more. since i am with alex i am not that lazy anymore. maybe there is somekind more joy of work when he is around i dont know. but it feels good when he is around and doesnt make me feel guilty like in my ex-relationships.

but i like getting older. the only other thing i kinda dont feel good about is, that my mother starts to talk about getting pregnant and married. this is my first really (happy) long-term relationship and now my mom starts with stories like "i have known your farther with 23 and with 25 i was pregnant and then we got married - so start no doing it like i did it - you are already 3 yrs together"..but i am not ready for this. i really want to have all this romantic stuff anf babies and so on - but i want to live to the fullest. and she is not thinking of alex over there i think. my mom is 5 yrs younger than my dad and i am one year older than alex. i think a 22 yrs and 23yrs are too early for him and me. like i said - everything is changing so fast - and i think our relationship is still growing in somekind of feelings i havent got to explore yet. so why bother? everything is just good. and beside that all: i want to get married in this creepy seventh year hahaha (you know this telling of that unlucky seperating in the 7th year? - thats what i am talking about) so there are still 4 yrs to go. and you never know. maybe even this love doesnt last forever (eventhough i hope it - i really do). so marriage: when i am 30 or something (and still in love). baby: when i am lil bit older than this (and still still in love). sorry mom.

beside this i am a lil bit sad cause my sister is leaving to america for a whole f*cking year. i am really angry..no i am not. i am proud that she lives her dream. i mean - i left her 2 yrs ago so i should just shut up. and after all we will meet in NY next year for our birthday we said (that will be the crazy expensive journey which alex and i are planning...sure we will get tattooed - so we have to save even more money) i hope she will be happy there.

so i am at work now. my new work! i love it! the ppl are nice - and since i am not that much of a break-/lunch girl where everyone sits and eats or go for a walk - i love it here cause we dont do this. dont get me wrong the ppl are SO nice but i have never done lunch at work so i wont do it now. i am more the breakfast, dinner and fruity/candy (cake!) guy.

so no more thoughts now (cause i am still at work - and i think you already got enough to read - greetings to carlos btw.) here is a great song i love for the end which i heard yesterday while driving at home:





2 comments

2 Comments:

great header and song =)

By Blogger want more fashion, at 16. September 2011 um 09:31  

Good for you! We live in a different world than our mothers did. I am 28, and at this time my mom had an 8, 6 and 2 year old!
Don't rush anything, enjoy your youth and the responsibilities will all come soon enough. In the meantime, go see more great concerts :) And have a blast in NYC!

By Blogger mel, at 16. September 2011 um 20:45  

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